Sunday morning/Monday evening

Let it be known that the rule of law in the Ochoa household is the later the boys stay up and the busier they are before bedtime, the EARLIER they will wake in the morning. Unbelievable. Peter came down at 12:45? Not sure. I didn't really lay down after that. I was trying to give him a drink which he rejected over and over and we both passed out with the effort of resisting each other-Peter laying on my arm splayed to my side, me propped up on pillows I wish I had moved before resting my head. My neck is killing me this morning. Then, at dawn, about 6am, Benjamin came bounding down with all his bounding energy and Peter and I, bleary-eyed and groggy from being woken from that deep morning sleep, had no choice but to become conscious or risk injury from the pointed affections of my 2 year old bulldozer. Benjamin gives kisses and then he will press his head against your head and apply pressure. I think he wants to see how hard he can push before you cry out in pain. Then he lays down perpendicular to his intended target and straightens his legs, stretching his toes so his legs are as long as possible. I dont know if his intent is to move the person he's pushing against or see if he can insert his toes into their stomach.

professional rascal. works for smoothies, goldfish, and crackers of any kind.

Ah, well. Such is life with a toddler. We've had an idyllic couple of days. The weather, late afternoon winds notwithstanding, has been perfect. This morning, when I began my ritual of sipping my coffee in the sun after watering the daisies, wildflowers and lavender plants, Benjamin came up to me and said 'Ben chair, mommy.' He pulled on my hand, trying to get me out of 'his' chair. I replied, 'no, there's Ben's chair', and I pointed to a chair in the middle of the lawn, left there the day before. It was about 3 feet away from mine. He climbed up and settled himself in with a butt wiggle. Then he sat forward put his hands on the armrests, and started talking to me. At first I couldn't understand a word he said, aside from some names. But the more I really listened, the more I discerned different words- 'going', 'school', and 'not yet' among them. Shocked my shorts off. I just stared at him in wonder, my brilliant child, as he chattered away. I asked him questions when the opportune pauses occurred. I have no idea if I was on-topic or not, but he seemed to find my responses appropriate.

Now, Benjamin talks all the time. He talks to me all the time, he talks to the tv, and he talks to his dad and brother, anyone who will listen (or look like they're listening). What killed me in this moment was the way he was postured in his chair, leaning forward, intent on our conversation. Every now and then he paused and stared off into the clouds. Then he would say something, grin, and fake laugh, complete with a 'ha ha ha' and wrinkled nose and clapping his hands and slapping his leg in glee. Whatever he said must have been hysterical.

This magic moment lasted about 10 minutes. I didn't take a picture. I didn't want to break the spell. I will never forget his serious little face, and the way his shoulders would shake when he forced himself to laugh. I half expected him to ask me for his own mug of coffee (wouldn't be the first time, come to think of it).

CousCous

We have moved on to Cous Cous. Cous Cous is, of course, Blue's Clues, in Benjamin speak. Both boys adore Steve. They aren't crazy about the other guy who replaced him. Since we got rid of cable this month, we won't be subjected to Steve replacements. The tv schedule is a little better. I turn it on in the morning so I can get my coffee and see what's up in the world.  The shows only play one at a time on our Netflix, so eventually when the boys have lost interest in the middle of the second one, the tv stays off for the rest of the morning. Benjamin has replaced the tv with his LeapPad...but he's learning stuff, so that's okay. We also end up outside in the glorious spring weather so I can water my little wildflower shoots. Unless its horrible and windy, which its been a lot recently. Then I pull out playdoh or put on Thomas, depending on how dark my mood has turned.

After waging battle after battle with Peter over where he spends his nighttime sleeping hours, winning the fight for a few nights, losing some ground with illness...we have lost the war. Yes, I admit defeat. I surrender. Apparently Peter's teething experience is so excruciating that even ibuprofen isn't working to alleviate it. The only analgesic that is effective? Mama's arms. Better yet, Mama's arms surrounded by Mama's cozy bed. I can't really blame him. Greg and I invested in a new mattress this winter, and it is THE most comfortable spot in the house. Peter's mattress purchase was less thought out...our research consisted of staring at the selection at Target and picking out the cheapest one. Sold. I have regretted that decision since Peter got a little bigger. Its really not so much a mattress as a fabric covered, thick cot. We discovered that by padding the bed with a towel under the sheet and one of the beautiful baby quilts on top for him to lie on top of, we can get a good 2-3 hour nap out of him. But it doesn't hold up all night.

Its looks like this that keep him alive.

I truly have no idea if that's the reason he won't stay in his bed. I read that somewhere and it sounded good. Especially since it could add to my mommy guilt list.  I cheaped out on his mattress. Let the internal maternal flogging begin!

In other news, and perhaps most importantly, my darling new nephew was born!!! Rory Higgins made his appearance on April 22nd after 14 hours of labor and about 20 minutes of pushing. Apparently my pint-sized sister is a hoss in disguise. Further proving how rare (read:recessive) our genepool is, Rory's father clearly won this match-up. He's just gorgeous regardless! I am one proud aunt!

Hi, little lovie, sweet baby nephew boy!!  Auntie loves you!!

Can't wait to kiss his little face!

Also went and procured the anti-depressants I so desperately wanted a few months ago. Peter and I are completely done nursing, and I have had increasingly wide mood swings, and increasingly paranoid thoughts. Here's hoping the meds help not hurt! I've taken bigger risks, the good Lord knows. The only other thing I can say is now, after listening to Peter's screaming for 25 minutes, the house is finally quiet and I am to bed. Well, I am to watching Don Draper be hot on Mad Men. Same dif.

Adventures in Sleep

So I am completely BUMMED OUT because the coffee addiction seems to have been a huge factor in all the sleepless nights.  First of all, I was drinking it all day, into the late afternoon sometimes, so it made getting to sleep at bedtime difficult. But worst of all (and I officially let go of the guilt about this NOW) it was making it hard for Peter to sleep...it sucks when your mom is right all the time...

I am now engaging in new adventures in SLEEP. Bedtime prep for momma begins right after the boys go down. Sometimes I skip the night chores altogether.  Greg and I are taking shifts at night when he's home so that each of us gets at least six hours uninterrupted. Peter is finally sleeping in longer stretches, and no more nursing at night. No more nursing during the day, either, come to that. Just morning when he wakes up (and its actually morning, not still the middle of the night) and at bedtime.

 My house is a little messier, but my eyes look brighter. I haven't been able to get a post out this last week because I've been focusing on my health, and I am enjoying my kids on a level that I haven't since last summer. One week ago I was begging my doctor for anti-depressants. Today I don't think I need them, and its because I have been getting some real sleep.

I learned over the last two weeks that applying perfectionism to motherhood is dangerous and destructive.  That I have to serve myself before I can serve others. Being sleep deprived caused me to do some wacky things- like lose the boys' antibiotics for 24 hours that they were taking for ear infections. I literally LOST THE BOTTLES. What killed me was I knew I had deliberately put them somewhere 'convenient' so that I would remember to give it to them in the morning. GAH!  Finally found them in the dirty laundry basket. sheesh.

Some of the things I noticed about my kids these last two weeks....

Benjamin is now deliberately doing things to see where his boundaries are. He also deliberately does things to engage me in his playtime. Like repeatedly pushing his matchbox cars under the carseat of the baby we take care of a few days a week, while the baby is in it and sleeping peacefully. The cars would get stuck and Ben would scream because he couldn't get them, therefore getting my immediate attention as I did NOT want the little thing to wake up! He loves it when I get down on the floor with him and even if I just watch him play, he's happy. He's making this new face when he gets excited, an almost inhibited expression of joy that he seems reluctant to let others see. Its strange to me that he feels the need to hide. 

Peter loves to play with wires. That's not really new, but now instead of just coming across them and being excited to shake them in his baby hands, he sees them from across the room and makes a beeline. He is now playing with the plug to the nebulizer we have for Mr. B. And I am letting him. Please don't call social services. 

I also noticed that my relationship with Peter is so different than my relationship with Benjamin. I am profoundly in love with both boys, but its so interesting the way you love a second child-the way you love them just as much as your first baby, and a little different, too, because its a love especially designed between the two of you, like no other love in the world. There isn't one-size-fits-all love here.

ps. and by the way. We started putting on Cars 2 in Espanol to assuage guilt that Ben's watching it twice a day. Just another parenting tip from yours truly.

and in other news...

Please Please Please leave comments and feedback for me on my Facebook if you can't do it on this page. You can leave comments for me if you are on a computer- but not by smartphone, which is really stupid in my opinion.  I am trying to resolve the issue, but not having any luck thus far.

In other news...Coming to a webpage near you, Momology! Elizabeth Schichtel and I are taking her amazing creations from Cheeky Bunz Diapers and adding new, original, and beautiful handmade cuddly baby things to a line of mama products and luxuries. Check out Liz's CheekyBunzdiapers.com, her Etsy shop of the same name, and please like her on Facebook!  She is so so talented, and I am really stoked about the opportunity to create for a living while learning from a master seamstress.

In other news...The other night  I watched Benjamin play until he dropped, exhausted, on his uncle's lap. Peter went to bed at 7, but then woke up at ten and rejoined the party. They were both up at 7am. I don't understand how this works. It is a truth about babies and young children that however late they stay up and however rough a night they have, they will be bright eyed and bushy tailed at least 2 hours before you are ready to drag your butt out of bed. I have yet to meet the toddler that isn't a morning person. While its maddening and exhausting, there's a certain beauty to it. Every day, regardless of how the night before went, Benjamin and Peter are excited to greet us and the day. Eager to reconnect with their world, they walk around the house smiling at their toys, their milk cup, their tv program, their high chair, their parents. They fuss at getting their diapers changed as if to say 'hurry UP I have LIFE to live and WONDERS to explore and you are holding me UP!'

Meanwhile, after they are changed, fed, and my coffee is ready, I curl up on the floor in my bathrobe, watching a Golden Girls marathon, clutching my coffee mug and wondering if I'd had too much wine the night before. The boys played, oblivious to my discomfort of course, and we had a really pleasant morning followed by more vegging during the Super Bowl. The game was pretty exciting, but I wasn't uber impressed by the commercials. Let's face it, I really didn't get to watch it. Oh well.

Benjamin just walked up to me and started singing 'I will Wait I will wait for you'. Shout out to Mumford and Sons.

If you check out my Facebook page you can see Benjamin singing for yourself- Not sure when this became the new song around my house, but my little guy has some strong music preferences!